Aging with disabilities – Do you see me?
I had never been called to the principal’s office—never.
My older son was the same. Quiet, thoughtful, and deeply sensitive to those around him, he had always flown under the radar, more focused on his studies than on drawing attention to himself. So when I received a call one afternoon during his third-grade year, asking me to come in and speak to the principal on his behalf, I was caught completely off guard. I couldn’t imagine what could have happened.
To understand this moment, you need to know something about my son: he has always been “big.”
By the time he reached sixth grade, he stood at six feet tall—a head above all the other kids. He was affectionately known as a “gentle giant.” His size often made him stand out, though all he ever wanted was to blend in – to exist quietly in the background.
But on that day, for the first time, as far as anyone could recall, he used his size… to send a message.
He had stepped in between two students: one, the aggressor; the other, the target.
He didn’t lay a hand on anyone, but his presence—his stature,—made things crystal clear to the aggressive student, that he was there to protect.
Naturally, the aggressor ran to tell a teacher. And there sat my son, outside the principal’s office, mortified, his head down, eyes rimmed with tears.
Luckily, according to the principal -several students had come forward to defend him.
“He was helping.”
“He was standing up for the other kid.”
“He didn’t start anything—he was just making it stop.”
Still bracing myself, I sat down in the principal’s office, ready to advocate for my son.
But the principal simply said, “I’ve never quite met a young man like your son.”
He continued, “When I asked him what made him step in, he said:
‘My cousin has a disability, and if anyone ever treated her like that, I’d want someone to stand up for her—it’s up to us to protect kids who can protect themselvs.”
And just like that, my heart cracked wide open.
The child my son had defended was a young boy with a disability.
What’s more, my son had quietly made a habit of sitting with him at lunch. Watching out for him. Including him.
This is a feel-good story—a small but mighty victory for kindness and inclusion in the third grade.
But as I left the school that day, a heavier question tugged at my heart:
What happens as kids like that grow older?
What happens when the schoolyard disappears, and there’s no teacher to notice, no principal to call home?
Who protects those with disabilities when the world gets louder, faster, and less forgiving?
Who’s looking out for them then?
Aging is a journey filled with unknowns—but for those living with disabilities, that journey is often filled with unique and heavy challenges.
People with disabilities face an increased risk of developing dementia, and when they do, it often progresses more rapidly than in those without disabilities. It’s estimated that 1 in 5 people over the age of 65 with a learning disability will be diagnosed with dementia.
And yet, behind those numbers are real people.
Many of them are adults still being cared for by aging parents—parents who are, themselves, beginning to slow down, facing their own health issues, fears, and limitations. What happens when the caregiver can no longer give care? Who steps in when both generations need support?
Aging with a disability doesn’t just affect the body.
It can take a quiet toll on the heart and mind. Feelings of isolation, depression, and fear often creep in. Access to social opportunities, community activities, even basic services can feel like an uphill battle
And let’s not forget the families—the sons, daughters, siblings, and friends—who want to help, but often find themselves overwhelmed and under-informed. Navigating resources can feel like trying to read a map in a storm. Where do you turn? Who can help?
There is hope.
The Administration for Community Living provides vital links to local, state, and national organizations dedicated to supporting older adults and individuals with disabilities. Alongside them are tireless advocates—people who believe in dignity, access, and belonging at every age.
Aging with a disability should not mean aging alone or aging in silence. With the right support, it can mean aging with grace, with connection, and with the care every human being deserves.
ABC Home Healthcare is a contracted agency for Massachusetts ASAPS (Aging Service Access Point) and we are committed to supporting you in every way we can. If you have questions or need assistance, we’re just a call away.
A personal note from the Author – Lisa Viliott – ABC Community and Marketing Liaison:
This article reflects my own experiences and the lessons I’ve learned along the way. I hope you found something in it that resonates with you. If you have any questions, thoughts, or would like to chat more about the topic, please don’t hesitate to reach out. I’m always happy to connect and offer any advice or support I can!
